To the Professors of Dikhaya College

Dear Professors

I have deliberately made up an imaginary name for your college in order to avoid getting “Assanged.” You know who you are!

Every day I get a call from a dear friend of mine who is a student at your institution and every day I have to hear about the evil that is perpetrated at your college. Why do I use the word “Evil?” Let me explain.

You see, dear aged and esteemed professors. It is evil to harass and bully young women on a daily basis. When you are a professor, you are expected to teach. There is a very logical and rational economic cycle that occurs – You are paid therefore you teach. Someone is buying your services. You deliver said services. What you DO NOT DO under any circumstances is scream at and bully your customers.

But in the teaching profession, there is a curious thing that occurs that makes it different from most other economic transactions. As opposed to say buying a cell phone service, in which you are paying someone to give you a service and that is that, teaching actually gives you control over a person’s future career.

This is because of the weight that marks and grades are given in our education system. Because you hold the power to grade a student, you hold a special status in terms of service providers. To subject said students to humiliation on a daily and regular basis because you hold such a power is just plain cruel and can be likened to making your employees shine your shoes everyday under threat of immediate termination.

But what is worse is some of the reasons that you give for your behavior.

The "This is How It is in the Real World" excuse is laughable. I thought you were intelligent people! That line of logic is about as valid as the excuse that women get raped because of how they dress. Do you teach your students how to bribe officials as well? Because that also happens in the real world! But you don't approve that behavior, so you don't teach the "Art of Bribes", right? But you do shout at and demean women as part of your course. Does this mean you justify that kind of behavior in the real world?

You see, you cannot justify certain behaviors by comparing them to perceived reality. Bad behavior is bad whether it happens on the job or in the classroom. There is simply no excuse to scream at an adult who is in your power (because you control their grades) other than to get some kind of sick perverted pleasure from the whole exercise. People deserve respect and the only way you can change things is if you start being the change yourself.

Am I trying to tell you how to do your job? Absolutely! Currently, I think that you are no better than an animal handler who kicks puppies for a living because he happens to have the key to the room where the dog food is stored and what is worse is that this behavior on your part has spawned generations of cowardly students who go on to become groveling, brown-nosing employees at prestigious media institutions nationwide.

You claim to promote free speech and creative thinking yet your students are embarrassed and vilified every day if they make the mistake of thinking outside the box. All your students are scared of approaching you with their concerns and the ones that do make the mistake of talking to you can look forward to being shouted at by your colleagues for weeks on end.

And why? Because you are such big shots in your chosen professions? Because you have “made it big”? You are not big shots. You are people who like to scare young girls for a living. You are simply bullies and giving you the respect that should be accorded to teachers is absurd.

In closing, I would like to say that all those former and current students that seem to respect you actually do not. They are either scared of you or you have managed to convert them into bitter husks of their former selves.

Only thugs and goons get respect from people by scaring and threatening them (your city's political scene has taught you much, I see) and professors should not.

And to the students of Dikhaya College, let me say this – taking abuse and saying you deserve it makes you no better than the thousands of battered women who go back to their husbands on a daily basis.

You are victims and you need to stand up for your selves. No one, not your boss, professors, husbands, fathers or mothers has any reason to raise their voice at you, especially when you are just learning and trying your best.

Finally! To the Male professors of this college – Hey Big Men! Stop bullying girls, huh? Don’t be such pricks!

Karnataka's problem with Pubs

I read in the news today about yet another incident where a mob invaded a pub in Karnataka. The news channels immediately cut to women in short skirts hiding their faces as they ran outside trying to shield themselves from the cameras as the media had another field day.It was a scene reminiscent of a raid at a prostitution ring. Moral policing is one of the most dangerous and infuriating trends that has started in this country.

It imposes the will of backward conservative people on the young and progressive. Most people who frequent pubs in a city like Bangalore, for instance, are young professionals who work long hours and like to unwind by spending their money on a few drinks in the company of their friends. The last thing they need is to confront a group of cowardly hooligans assaulting them. The fact that those female patrons of the establishment have to run out with their faces covered shows what a painful and humiliating experience it must be.

Imposing one's political or social views on another by force is sacrilege. That kind of behavior should not be welcome in any democracy as it is fascist and deplorable. The conservatives, in this case, argue that pubs and bars of these kinds are against Indian culture. But, the issue is not Indian culture itself; it has more to do with the role of women in Indian culture. In Vedic times, women were given much power and they were free to express their artistic, sexual and political right. Sometime between then and now, Indian culture became more and more repressive (probably due to the Islamic conquests and then the puritanical British Raj). So the current anti-fun conservatives are defenders of the staunch "puritanical/sharia with a little curry sauce" Indian culture that exists today.

In the last 20 years, women have been liberated in this country. They now work more than ever before, are well educated, hold high offices in government and business and believe that if a woman is raped, its not because of the clothes she wears. These modern women also work as hard as their male counterparts and similarly like to unwind at the local pub after a hard day. As long as the bars were frequented by men (for decades in Beer Bars in Mumbai ), no one had a problem. As soon as women started coming into the equation, the moral police started their insufferable campaign against pubs.

We must not let these people get away with infringing upon our rights as free citizens of India. We have opinions and morals just like they do. Our side is liberal, progressive and vigorous, whereas theirs is regressive, hateful and antiquated. We will eventually win because those who do not change with the times are eventually sidelined.

The Dangers of Social Conservatism in the Media

Have you noticed how, in the recent years, there has been a rise of outspoken, boorish and rude conservative commentators in the media? Ann Coulter has been around for a while and so has that sell-out Michelle Malkin but all these crazies are being one-upped by the great Glenn Beck. I am not going to say much more about these people. To read more about their antics, you could just log onto one of the many American liberal website such as the daily kos. I do, however, want to talk about the alarming rise of the same breed of nutjobs in Pakistan. The prime example of this is the crazy "Hindu-Zionist" fearing, red beret wearing, "think tank" ka chaprasi: Zaid Hamid. This man believes that there are no terrorists in Pakistan; that 9/11 was a Zionist conspiracy and that the Mumbai bombings were perpetrated by Hindu-Zionists. To club a Pagan religion with a monotheistic one is interesting. There is very little in common between Hindus and Zionists of any kind except that we seem to get along fairly well. Every year thousands of Israelis come to India for a holiday because they are safe and welcome here, whereas no one but religious pilgrims go to Pakistan. India has always got along with Israel, even though the two countries have conflicting viewpoints on the Palestine issue. But given that, there is no animosity between them because viewpoints are meant to be debated in a healthy democratic forum and differences between friends are fine as long as they are kept in context. After a good healthy debate, an Indian and an Israeli are known to light up a joint, pour a drink or enjoy some mint tea along with their hookahs; but I digress. Zaid Hamid will never understand this; because he is a crazy conservative who believes that the average Indian is hell bent on destroying him. In reality, the average Indian could not care less about Pakistan. We are too busy making money, eating well, watching Bollywood movies, nodding appreciatively as skirts get shorter and women get more powerful in our society. India and Pakistan are the perfect example of the stupidity of conservative thinking. We both started from the same level when we were partitioned in 1947. They held onto their backward, religious based thinking whereas we subscribed to the liberal, secular ideology. Today, we are a power to contend with whereas they are as good as finished.

Book Banning

Gujarat recently banned a book by an ex BJP Pariah. Why should anyone have the right to ban anyone else? Given that each member of society is seen equally in the eyes of the state and each person should have, and indeed DOES have the freedom of expression as guaranteed by the constitution. So how can anyone ban an expression of another? India is far from a liberal, free society even though we are lucky enough to be more free than others around us. So many died for our freedom and yet we still censor ourselves to appease a certain section of society. Freedom is above all else. A truly free society is where every individual is allowed to fulfil their potential. They should be no curbs on expression, art, science, independent thought of any kind. It is just another example of being economically forward but socially backward. Gujarat is rich but uncouth, unsophisticated and ignorant. Minorities die at the hands of the state, alcohol prohibition is in effect and vegetarianism is imposed upon society. These are the people that banned the book. Calcutta, on the other hand, is socially forward but economically backward. They are rich in the arts but unfortunately also communist. Maybe we should merge the two states together. They are polar opposites and together might make the perfect state or the most imperfect one.

The Experiences of an Indian Abroad

Having recently returned from the United States, I have my share of stories to tell about the perception of the average Indian in a foreign country, which, are even more relevant given the recent news about the president of India and the president of Bollywood amidst the throes of the American immigration bureaucracy. The average Indian abroad deals with constant stereotypes in every social or professional situation. As soon as the Indian lands at the foreign airport, he is immediately perceived as either a potential immigrant, itching to land on the epidermis of the developed nation, pierce his sucker into society to drink of the blood of the average citizen or as a potential terrorist, waiting to cause bodily harm to the state and its people.

As citizens of a country with constant and continuing problems with identity, we have always been aware of the condescending jibes we tend to receive from the goras, and like a battered wife ,we tend to believe that it is somehow our own fault. This idea is perpetuated by the fact that there is really no difference in the way we are treated by foreigners and our own people. I will be the first to admit that I feel embarrassed when I see the IT engineer with coco-nutty hair trying to buy an eggless cake at a fancy bakery in Washington DC or the sweeper carrying around his broom while dodging strutting sheikhs at the Dubai airport but sooner or later everyone who is abroad gets his own taste of racism and, even worse, encounters the self hating Indian in a position of power.

Recently I tried to apply for a new passport at the Indian embassy in Washington DC so that I could subsequently apply for a Canadian visa to have myself a little Quebecois vacation. On my way to the embassy, I was picked up by a Punjabi cabbie, who naturally struck up a conversation with me. I was rewarded with a sympathetic shake of the head when I told him what I had set out to do that morning. He looked at me with a sorry look in his eyes and bid me farewell at the gates of the embassy with cordial encouragement – “Ab jaa ke sar maaro aap.” A few minutes earlier, he had been telling me the story of how he had lost his passport and had to stand in line for months in order to get a new one. After talking to a fellow cabbie with the “Inside Jugad”, he was told to bring a $1000 in cash after which his passport was handed to him in less than 15 minutes. Determined to prove him wrong, I boldly stepped into the dingy basement which serves as the consulate section and took a number. The place was crowded with Indians of every variety eagerly waiting for the babu to grace them with his presence. It was now 10:15 am (the consulate was supposed to open at 9:00). A few minutes later, the great bureaucrat stepped out from the back room and took his place at his throne behind counter number 1.

I looked around me and I saw that a few Americans, who were probably applying for a visa, walk through the door and also take a number. Soon the numbers started to be called and I waited with my document folder and Passport application in hand with baited breath for a chance to present myself to his holiness. After calling a few numbers and seeing the backs of the dejected applicants, the consular officer looked up and noticed the gora gentlemen waiting patiently for their turn and proceeded to beckon them with a smile and a sideways nod of his head. Confused and bewildered, they checked their numbered tickets and casually walked to the window where they were greeted with a beaming consular officer with a “no problem saar” look on his face. He collected their applications and bade them farewell. When it was finally my turn, I asked them if they could process my passport under the Tatkaal service as I had to go apply for a Canadian Visa. I explained to them that although my passport was still valid, it was a 20 year passport to begin with and the childish photo of me when I was 16 was markedly different from the manly good looks that I now possessed. I was the haughtily informed that Tatkaal service would not be possible even if I was willing to pay for it as “everyone will then expect to get their passport in a day rather than the customary two weeks.” Remembering the Cab drivers advice, I asked to withdraw my application and take my chances with my baby picture at the Canadian Embassy.

The next day I proceeded to visit the palatial Canadian Embassy and duly got in line alongside the rest of the third-worlders with my document folder in hand and a neatly filled out application form. When my turn came, I casually walked up the man behind the window and announced that I was here to apply for a tourist visa. He looked at me with a less than friendly demeanor and said “please submit all supporting documents. You will be given only one chance to do so.” Slightly bewildered I handed him my entire document folder. God forbid if I make a mistake and forget to give him a document, I will be duly denied a visa on the basis of being an imbecile. As I looked around me, a Canadian man walked in the embassy with, what I guessed, was his new Asian bride and was greeted by the consular officer with a smile, “Good morning Sir, I have all your paperwork ready.” Thank-yous were exchanged and he was on his way. I ended up not getting a visa because, having recently quit my job, I was considered a potential immigrant.

You could say that I am slightly bitter, but I did realize one thing. I was treated the same way at both the Indian and the Canadian embassies and so were the white guys. When your own people hate their kind, what can you expect from a foreigner? When your own government is soft on the security of its students abroad, what can you expect from the foreign police force and when I cringe in embarrassment as I see the Indian IT professional perpetuating every Indian Stereotype imaginable, how can I expect anything different from the rest of the world? This is a psychological issue and until we start asserting ourselves as a race and a country, nothing will ever change. We will still be the people who smell like curry, steal jobs, illegally immigrate, have a funny accent and, according to some surveys, are known to have non-existent testicles (figuratively) and the smallest penises (literally) in the world.